


everything is temporary

by finkzydrate



Category: Football RPF, Sports RPF
Genre: Boys In Love, Established Relationship, First Kiss, Light Angst, Lovesickness, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-05
Updated: 2014-09-05
Packaged: 2018-02-16 07:07:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2260506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/finkzydrate/pseuds/finkzydrate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jonas leaves Borussia Dortmund and Erik and they both have trouble getting used to not being together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	everything is temporary

**Author's Note:**

> i feel like i was trying out something new here, this is such an unusual style for me, but i hope this turned out okay.

Not having Jonas in the changing room of the national team always left Erik feeling uneasy. He used to tell himself _be patient, at least you play for the same team, you share one changing room as it is_ , but now. Now he just swallows the thought and leaves it to buzz quietly at the back of his mind, trying to focus on the match that is coming.

They're playing Argentina, but it's just a friendly and no one really seems to care enough what with the mindless chatter and laughter going around the room and echoing in Erik's ears. He can see Manu making a funny face at Thomas, Kevin trying to put on one of his socks while Marco throws his own at his head and laughs for approximately the next five minutes at Kevin's annoyed face. 

He stops looking when a memory of Jonas poking his tongue out playfully at him the other week while putting on his black and yellow jersey for the last time flashes right before his eyes. Erik wonders how it's possible for things to change so drastically from good to freaking bad in so little time.

***

_tough loss ___

The message from Jonas is the first thing Erik sees once the match is done and finished with. He feels a pang in his chest that has nothing to do with the result, but more with the fact that Jonas was so quick to message him, never forgetting about him. 

_:(_

He gets the second message mere moments after the first one and this time, he can't help but chuckle and reply. 

_it's ok, hope u'll have better luck! score a goal for me? :)_

Erik wipes some sweat off his brow while waiting for an answer, but decides against it, feeling gross and sweaty and sticky. He grabs a towel and just as he's heading off to have a shower, his phone vibrates quietly inside his locker, its screen lighting up and showing the short message. 

_of course :)_

*** 

Erik used to pride himself on having a lot of self-control. He always knew there were lines he wasn't ever supposed to cross and he didn't have a problem with telling himself to stop before it was too late. 

The thing was, Jonas came around and changed that. Initially, Erik was annoyed and confused and unwilling to accept the fact that Jonas was different than the other people in his life, he couldn't be anything more special. But day by day, Jonas dug himself deeper and deeper under Erik's skin until he couldn't fight it anymore. He felt like a dam broke inside him and all the escaped water was pooling in his lungs, his heart, his throat, begging to escape his insides, but the moment Jonas whispered _can I? _against his lips, a nervous quiver obvious in his voice, but a fire burning in his eyes, all Erik could do was swallow it back down and nod, letting their dry lips meet for the first time.__

After all, some lines were meant to be crossed from the very beginning. 

***

Funny enough, Jonas really ends up scoring that goal against Ireland and the team wins. Erik can't help, but grin while watching him celebrate with his teammates on his TV screen. Jonas looks confident and sure of himself and his talent, strong and determined and this is how Erik wants to remember him now that he's not going to be seeing that much of him in Dortmund. He feels the umpteenth wave of sadness wash over him and it's so intense that he can barely think of anything else but how much it hurts to be losing Jonas now that he can finally call him his. The time they spent learning each others curves and touching and feeling and loving together, seems like nothing more but mere moments, blips in time and he feels bitter that he'd let go of everything he believed in to be able to be with Jonas, be his, just to end up being cruelly torn away from Erik like that. 

_It's just a year_ , he repeats it like a mantra in his head until the words stop making any sense to him and he feels dizzy. Before he knows it, the match is over and Germany has beat Ireland. Erik switches the TV off, grabs his phone and crashes on his bed for the night. 

_u really were always good at keeping ur promises. congrats on the win :)_

He types it quickly, then holds the phone close to his chest and fights off the urge to call Jonas and cry out how much he misses him already and how a year is too long, painfully long and he's not sure what he's supposed to do to make it feel better for the both of them. 

*** 

"You're impossible!" Jonas said, his voice ringing in his small living room. It was a Saturday night, they had no training the next morning and they were playing Mario Kart in just their boxers, not really sleepy yet and trying to kill some time. Turned out, Erik was a Mario Kart natural and he was mercilessly kicking Jonas' butt. "You're cheating, just admit it, you won like five times in a row! I give up!" Erik couldn't help but grin at Jonas' fiery reaction. Once Jonas threw his controller on the ground and tried to stand up, Erik pulled him right back, not letting him take a step away from him. Jonas lost his balance, not expecting the pull and plopped awkwardly half on Erik's lap, half back on the ground. 

"I hate to brag, but I'm just pretty good at video games," the blond murmured against Jonas' lips and after a beat pulled him in for a chaste kiss, which quickly turned hungry. His hands were all over Jonas' back and hips and waist, he wanted to touch him everywhere, savour the feel of his skin for as long as humanly possible. Jonas pushes him so Erik's back would rest against the couch and he straddled him quickly. The kiss was broken, but Erik's lips latched on his neck, leaving suckling kisses and bites on the soft skin there and then moving up to his jaw. 

"I'm going to find your secret cheating ways, don't even doubt it, Erik," he gasped it out quickly and the blond stopped the stream of kisses just so he could take a look at Jonas' face. He found it flushed, but completely serious and all he could do was pull Jonas even closer to his chest, holding onto his waist for dear life while he laughed endlessly at him. 

"And then you say I'm the impossible one," he said and kissed him again, feeling the usual warmth Jonas brought him settle in his chest and rib cage. 

*** 

It's lonely in Dortmund without Jonas, no matter how much Matze tries to keep him company and make him go out instead of hiding himself away at his place and sulking. They go out a lot, Matze drags him to cafes and restaurants and parks, not wanting to leave him alone and Erik appreciates the lengths his friend goes to just to make sure he is not feeling blue all the time. Some of these places, Erik's been to with Jonas, though, but he's never sure how to tell Matze this. He remembers getting lunch with Jonas at the restaurant Matze took him one rainy Wednesday after practice. They'd gone to Erik's place right after, fucked for the rest of the afternoon because back then they were convinced they had all the time in the world, then Jonas had fallen asleep curled on his side, back turned towards Erik and his heart almost ached with how happy he'd been at this very moment. Now it ached for other reasons so any distraction was truly wonderful. 

He lets Matze walk with him around Dortmund, talking Erik's ear off about one thing or another, never letting the silence creep in between them. Some days it rains, other times the sun is high up in the sky, shining brightly and Erik realizes that everything is temporary. He lets Matze talk for the both of them, smiling gently at him and throwing an arm around his shoulder, simply to show him he's grateful to have him because you can never be sure how long the sun is going to be shining on your street and you have to appreciate it before it's gone. 

*** 

Borussia Dortmund plays against Mainz in September. Erik feels shaken to the bones to see Jonas, his Jonas standing in front of him for the first time since his move to Mainz. He tries to calm his erratically beating heart, but Jonas is staring right back at him and he's just a feet away, but it feels like there's a huge black hole of unspoken words and swollen emotions between them and Erik is not sure how to make the first step towards him, fearing he'd fall right inside of it and never resurface again. 

It's Jonas who starts closing the distance between them and of course it is, it's always been him breaking boundaries and crushing walls to get to Erik. Jonas has always been the brave one out of them two and Erik feels like a half-healed wound gets reopened the moment Jonas is in his arms again, hugging him close and patting his back gently. They pull away after seconds, the embrace not lasting long because they're not alone, Erik bets there are too many curious eyes, not to mention camera lenses following their every move so he doesn't get too carried away. 

"Shit, this jersey is uglier than I thought it'd be," he says, laughing shakily and looking straight at the Mainz crest over Jonas' chest. He's not funny, he knows, but he can't think of anything else to say right here and in this moment, it's not the right time to have a serious conversation so he says the first thing that comes to mind. 

"Yeah well, seems like the colour that fit me best was yellow, huh," Jonas answers, a small smile tugging at his lips, but his eyes are sad. "Good thing I'm going to be wearing it again next season, right?" 

Erik nods for what feels like an eternity, because yes, yes of course he's going to be back, it's just a year, for God's sake, get your shit together Erik, be an adult. 

Not long after, Jonas gets called to go stretch and they part ways, both going in different directions of the pitch, heads hanging low. 

The match is tough, but Dortmund wins by two goals. Erik feels like shit by the end of it. He had to tackle Jonas two or three times in the second half, no matter how much he prayed he wouldn't have to. He mentally screamed _I'm sorry, I'm so sorry_ at Jonas, hoping some cosmic power would let Jonas hear him. He tried to make clear the fact that he hated doing it by helping Jonas up, patting his neck or shoulder, his hand lingering for a moment before parting again to resume the game. 

He successfully manages to corner Jonas after the match. Erik catches his wrist and pulls him to some deserted and dimmed little area of the stadium, behind a random corner that leads God knows where and pulls him in a tight hug, his hand immediately going to his hair to stroke it. 

"I'm so sorry, you know I had to do my job, I hated every second of it, don't doubt it for a minute, please," he rushes it all out as soon as Jonas is in his arms in his haste to receive forgiveness. 

"I know, I know, don't even mention it," Jonas whispers right back and pulls away slightly, leaving just their hands tangled between them. 

"How are you, though," Erik's green eyes are trained carefully on Jonas, he knows they have numbered minutes until one of them gets called right back, before he has to run to get on the bus so he could leave Mainz, leave Jonas behind. 

"I'm good. I'm trying to get settled, but I-I miss you," he stutters on his hushed words, eyes wide and sad and Erik reaches a hand to touch his cheeks, doesn't really know how to make it better and feeling useless. "I miss Dortmund, I miss the team, it's so weird here, I feel a bit alienated, but I'm working on changing that. It's going to get better, I promise you," Erik knows that his own sadness is written on his face and Jonas is trying to reassure both himself and Erik so he nods and hugs him again, burying his head in Jonas' neck, even though it's sweaty, he leaves a kiss anyways. 

"I miss you too, but it's temporary, you're going to be back before you know it, okay?" 

Just then Erik hears someone calling his name from the distance. They part quickly, both not ready to let go yet again, but being pushed into it. Erik can hear the voice coming closer and he recognizes it's Mats' and he sighs, squeezes Jonas' fingers in his again and without a single last uttered word, he's gone. 

Jonas stands there alone after Erik's gone for a few moments before going back to the changing room. He tells himself everything is temporary, repeating Erik's words in his mind, trying to calm himself down and let the walls he's built around himself to crumble, so his new teammates wouldn't be just some random strangers that he doesn't want around him and this new entire team wouldn't be a place of sadness and frustration for him. Jonas tries to convince himself that Erik was right and he is going to be back and they're going to be _them_ again and he'd take his rightful place in the team he loves once again when the time is right. 


End file.
